Achieving self-understanding is a lot of hard work. There are many parts of ourselves we need to become acquainted with in order to establish a necessary integration. Becoming an integrated human being will provide for us that sense of wholeness and completion we seek. The process will involve the development of a strong relationship with our own self. We must be a full and willing participant in order to be successful. It will require of us three things. Firstly, we need to have a consistent level of honesty in our approach. Secondly, we need to establish a willingness to grow beyond the current understanding we have of ourselves and our life. Thirdly, we need to address and deal with the emotional pain we have living inside us. This is the hard work we need to be engaged with, my friends, if we hope to see any forward motion and change in our lives. There is no other way. To get everything started, we need to have an understanding of the basic aspects of ourselves that make us who we are as a human being. We will discover the function and purpose of each part so that, once again, we know what we’re dealing with and how we can make each part work better to create that sense of peace and well-being we’re looking for. Today, let’s take a look at the concept of the inner child and the inner adult. Improvements to this essential relationship will help us be more successful in every area of our life.
*Just as a sidenote, everyone – In the teachings, more specifically, within my style of teaching there are certain words or terms we can view as interchangeable depending on the context of the subject matter. The lower self, the inner child, the ego, and the personality can be considered synonymous in most cases. The inner child is not technically the ego structure itself, but is an aspect of it. The higher self, the adult, and the soul can basically be viewed as synonymous as well. Semantics can create unnecessary confusion at times, so I thought we would clarify things a bit and all be on the same page. To simplify things even further, we can see ourselves as having two distinct parts, one lower and one higher. Here again, we see the concept of duality as being the reality we’re working with at every level of experience.
The Inner Child
The inner child is that part of us who wishes to receive attention, be heard, acknowledged and understood. No matter our particular age, this is the aspect of ourselves that holds the most sway in our experience. We may look in the mirror and see a physical adult, but within, we are still a child in many ways. It’s ok to be honest about this reality. We have to start somewhere after all! If we view our inner child as a means to understand our current level of maturity in the various aspects of our lives, we know what we’re working with and how we intend to grow and gain the experiences we need to be healed and successful. There are basically two distinct parts to our inner child. The first part we know well, as this part seeks to have its own way at any cost. This part of us is quite demanding and selfish in most cases, and cares little about the needs of others. The second part is full of life and wonder. Even more importantly, it is the part who is willing to participate and be excited about learning and having new experiences. This is what we hope our inner child will transform into some day. The inner child is part of our ego structure, as I mentioned. If you recall, the ego is considered the lower part of our nature. It helps us be safe and function effectively in the physical world. The ego also represents our past, or that which has already been established. Within this context, we can view the child as the part of us who carries all the pain. We can view the child as well, as the doorway into our subconscious. It is here where our hurt, misunderstood experiences, and limited behavioral patterns exist. Without an awareness of what is happening at this level, these behavioral patterns adversely affect our current experience. They will hold us back and inhibit us from leading a happy, healthy and productive life. The child is the one who is traumatized and seeks to be free. We can see, then, the need to develop a relationship with our inner child and understand what it represents and what its gifts are. If we listen to the child and bring it into our hearts, it will help guide us to what we need to pay attention to, so we can be free of our pain. If we remain afraid of what the child has to say, he or she will continue to control our experience and keep us from getting to where we would like to be. Stubbornness, demanding attention, raising fits, being uncooperative and selfish will then rule our day! Allow the inner child to be part of your experience. Ask it what it wants. Give it a voice. This part of us certainly is important and has its function and purpose. We must view our inner child as a friend, not an enemy, for he or she is trying to help us be who we want to be. Remember the idea of inclusiveness as an essential pathway to integration and wholeness.
The Inner Adult
Oh yes, the wise one! Believe it or not, we also have a grown-up living within as well, let’s not forget that! Our goal is to have this part of us have the final say in our experience, eventually. This is our teacher and guide. Unfortunately, many of us are barely aware this part exists. When we ask for help, however, this is where the help comes from, so we need to develop a relationship with this higher part of us. The inner adult is the one who knows how to get us there. In order for us to be more complete, we must heal the past hurts and misunderstandings that inhibit our well-being. The inner child knows what needs to be healed. The inner adult knows how to go about the process. Our unwillingness to get to know and cooperate with the higher part of ourselves is due to the simple fact that we often do not like what this inner adult has to say. We must always remain aware that the voice of our higher self intends to help us heal and eventually succeed. When this voice tells us something we do not want to do, or something cannot possibly be true, then we need to listen. These feelings and thoughts come from the immature part of us who fears change. Again, we must do the hard work and be willing to do what is required, no matter how much it temporarily hurts. We confront our fears and overcome our limitations in this way. Our inner adult, or higher self, is indeed our friend as well. Ideally, we want this part to be the one we listen to and trust the majority of the time. It will happen with our patience. All we need to do is participate.
Balance, Realism, and a Healthy Approach
Although our goal is to cooperate with and become that higher part of ourselves, we cannot simply ignore the inner child and expect to be successful in our pursuit. In other words, let the child have a say too. Listen. There are days in which we don’t want to work hard or feel bad within our healing process. It’s ok to put things on hold temporarily and just play. We must be realistic and give things time. The child must have a say and the adult must have a say. Both are necessary to make things work well. If we were to set a reasonable expectation for ourselves, we want to have both parts meet evenly somewhere in the middle. Equality and balance once again. Eventually, the higher part of us will hold more sway in our experience, but it will take a while. To know which voice is speaking to us takes time. Our egos can be quite deceiving, as the inner child will disguise itself as the adult. Keep this in mind as you move along! Again, we can discern between the two voices by paying attention to what they create in our lives. Trial and error, practice makes perfect. You know the story. We can be motivated and ready to proceed by not allowing our pain to dictate how our lives are going to be. In order to feel more integrated and whole, healing must occur. If we can get the inner child and the inner adult to meet in the middle, we’re almost home!
All my love and support, be well