So, what does it mean to be a man? There are certainly varying opinions as to what a man is supposed to be. I think if we let that all go, we can identify the real question, which is, “what kind of man do we want to be?” If we step back just a moment and gain a broader perspective, we can all recognize that the qualities and characteristics of a man as set forth by an unaware humanity are not only unrealistic, but undesirable. With a little self-honesty, we can say that we spend entirely too much of our time trying to be what other men expect us to be. This is the real game we’re playing with ourselves, whether we consciously realize it or not. Just what are we trying to compare ourselves to, anyway? The truth is, our efforts to become what is considered a “real” man is filled with misunderstanding and the unfortunate behavior it often creates. If we want to discover who we really are, and what our role in the world needs to be, we’re going to have to be clearer about the reality we have created thus far. We can begin by understanding that our current ideas of what a man is supposed to be is the problem. The secret is the “real” man we hope to become someday does not exist. Let’s take a hard look at ourselves, guys, and remember that our journey as a man is a difficult one, for it is indeed a human one. This isn’t about criticism or any kind of blame game, so self-judgement is not required. Our intent is to become our real self.
Ancient Biological Controls
Have you ever felt as though you’ve reached a certain point in your overall perspective of reality or self-understanding, but find yourself having experiences or engaging in certain behaviors that are not really you anymore? Let it be said that we’re all greatly influenced by established behavioral patterns from the past. In terms of male biology, physical strength and “fearlessness” may have been required in the past due to various environmental factors, and the condition of society and the world, but may no longer be desirable or have any practical value in the present. What we need to keep in mind is that our overall evolution or maturation will proceed, regardless of our conscious participation, but we have an opportunity to speed up the process, so to speak, and create necessary change inside ourselves with our own willingness. It is clear, or at least it should be clear, that the male gender is still unfortunately engaging in certain behaviors that have very undesirable effects on society and the world in which we live. Let’s remember that we can create change with a required level of honesty, and a willingness to make different choices. Many of you are doing quite well in your expression and have chosen to improve yourself always and have developed a sense of responsibility that is essential in human living. Unfortunately, there is still a significant segment of the male population of which certain behaviors and beliefs remain a nuisance and must eventually be overcome. For those of you who have found success in these areas, you are encouraged to help educate your fellow brothers in achieving their greater self-understanding, by sharing your experience. Your ability to do so cannot be overstated, and your service is most definitely appreciated in every way. Let’s consider a few areas in dire need of our attention.
Aggression and Violence
We have a tendency as a man to “push our way through” in life. Unfortunately, some of us intend to create what we want by any means, regardless of the impact on others and our world. Our desire to define ourselves, have a sense of purpose and utility, and be able to express ourselves uniquely, is well-conceived and understandable. This is a good thing, for we must discover who we are, so we are better able to make our contribution. We often forget there are 8 billion other individuals attempting the same. Every man must understand that his self-expression and achievement is no more important, or has any more essential value, than any other man. Our life certainly has its challenges in terms of creating success in some fashion. These challenges are human challenges. We will inevitably become frustrated at times in our experience, and will most certainly fail many times in our efforts. If we find ourselves unable to accept this part of our experience, we may resort to old ways of getting what we want through violent means. It must be clearly understood that all forms of violence are unacceptable, with only two exceptions. The first is when we are in actual physical danger. The other is of course when someone else is in similar danger. We know there are many forms of aggression. These include influencing others through power, manipulation, and other forms of control such as oppression. We can avoid these tragedies by understanding what our ultimate goal is. We want to build rather than destroy. If we intend to create what we feel we need by any means possible, we have simply promoted our own self-interest and harmed those around us in the process. Is our effort to succeed and achieve worth this kind of suffering? The area of danger and uncertainty for every man is promulgated by a lack of understanding of true feeling, and an unwillingness to address what fear is and what fear creates. This we must do. We have an opportunity to educate our young men about these important aspects of human living at the earliest possible age. I feel it warranted for me to add in here as well that some professional sports and other activities many men participate in only promote the belief that violence and aggression is acceptable and even desirable. We can be successful in meeting these great challenges by understanding the most important goal of each human being, the development of the faculties of the heart.
Dominance and Superiority
The good part of inherent male energy is a sense of direction or forward motion. This of course involves action and activity, or the outgoing creative process. We are typically goal oriented and intend to create through this outward activity. We also understand that men have a natural desire to express “will” in their lives, as this is the impetus for this outward activity. What is not understood is the difference between “personal will” and “spiritual will”. The reality is that spiritual will remains relatively quiescent at this time, but will find its expression, nevertheless, through the lower nature of the less evolved man. This, unfortunately, results in the desire of the average man to dominate others and their environment. In order to offset this natural tendency, the man must learn how to be more thoughtful before any action is taken. The need to dominate or feel superior comes from his emotional side, and all men have one. The ancient belief that the male gender is superior to that of the female is completely false. The actual state and purpose of the greater universe is always one of balance and equality. All energies have equal value and are therefore necessary for the working of the greater whole. The reality is that women have a lot figured out that we have not. A real sense of power would be to ask them what they know, so we can feel more complete. Yet another pathway to freedom. Our fearful response to gay men is another manifestation of the need to dominate. It is not their sexual expression that bothers us. It’s that we believe they are female and are therefore inferior. These are simply projections of our own feelings of inferiority, guys. They can be overcome when we decide to be comfortable with who we are. We are not superior, nor are we inferior. We are enough. The desire to be special or more important needs to be discarded, for it is not practical, nor is it accurate. To know beyond any doubt that we are not an isolated entity will encourage us to perceive our life in terms of equality. All men need to ask themselves what they intend to create once they “rise to the top”. Once we have made everything ours, there won’t be anything left to do. You can see the dilemma here. If we were to share what we have acquired, now that would be something truly gained. Our goal as men must always be to understand that what we do, what we say, and what we create has an impact, whether good or bad. This will matter a great deal in the end, for our eighty short years here is not all there is. Life will continue to march on. A future still exists.
Sexuality
One of the most powerful biological tendencies operating in our subconscious is the need to “spread the seed”. It should be fairly clear that a strong sexual desire and expression would ensure the perpetuation of our species, but I think we have arrived with the nearly 8 billion human beings that currently inhabit our planet. Our need to engage with our sexual selves, even for reasons of physical satisfaction, is understandable and acceptable. Having said that, we need to be reasonable and responsible in our approach. We can no longer allow this ancient biology to control our behavior. We do not want to force ourselves upon others, nor do we want to be constantly preoccupied with this small part of our experience. It is time to become more consciously aware of the practical implications of our behavior. In other words, if you do not intend to create a child you cannot or will not take care of, keep it in your shorts! The other thing we need to be thinking about is that having an intimate relationship is indeed important and desirable, but the women in our lives want us to stick around for the long haul. The idea that we have provided “the seed” is not enough of a purpose for our existence, in and of itself. The truth is, there is a lot more we can give to our relationships, family and our own life than just our personal sexual gratification.
Competition
Our natural inclination toward activity finds itself in the need for us to constantly compete with one another. Our obsession with sports, and the goal of “one upping” each other in the business world, may be providing us with the idea that life is nothing but a game. The false belief that our lives mean nothing unless we win creates the belief that the end will always justify the means. It’s understandable that winning is exciting, and it feels good. We forget, however, that in order to win, someone else has to lose. Our efforts to win all the time will not guarantee an avoidance of losing. This emotional roller coaster, because that’s what it is, has no essential value if it does not benefit everyone. In order to be the best man we can be, we must be more thoughtful and remind ourselves of the need to improve our own condition. This kind of winning feels much better, for it can be carried forward. There really is no downside, then, no losing that follows.
Money, Power, Identity
What every man needs in his life is a sense of true identity. To have purpose in one’s life provides the fulfillment we seek. Unfortunately, many of us have attached ourselves to the idea that money and power will achieve these ends. Perhaps we need to remember that the acquisition of such is only temporary at best. If they are temporary, how can they be part of our true identity? If we believe these things define us and create a permanent sense of who we are, we will continue to seek them at any cost. These temporary manifestations are entirely physical and therefore only pertain to physical living and the short-lived physical self. A pursuit of material things alone is insatiable and will ultimately lead to our own destruction. We need to ask ourselves what personal power, or power over others, will bring to our lives. Once you achieve “top dog” status, what will you do next? If we choose to let money define us, what happens if the money is taken away? Who are we now? We need to realize that we indeed have a great ability to create and acquire, but if it is only out of self-interest, it will eventually lead to an isolation that is undesirable. The old adage, “no man is an island” applies here, guys. If you believe you can survive all by yourself, or if you believe you are the only one that matters, you are living an illusion. It is time to involve others in your personal adventure, and thereby create the things that benefit the greater whole. It provides for us the inner fulfillment we’re looking for. This is lasting purpose and responsibility. We become strong and courageous when we care about our actions and words. An awareness of the impact we have on the world, and those around us, must always be our top consideration and priority.
Living in the Mind
If the mind is where we create our lives, then it would be understandable for us to choose to live there consistently. The reality, however, is this is only half of our potential experience. If we are goal orientated, if we are solution oriented, we must include what exists in the heart. Love provides a sense of wholeness and completion. If we cut ourselves off from our feelings, we will never get there. True wisdom can only be had with a combination of heart and mind. If we live only in our minds, we have no real connection to our life and the world. We can have no positive effect, you see. Let it be said that a caring man is a feeling man. There is no other way. We cannot gain a high level of self-understanding without the heart. The truth is, the women in our lives need us to feel something genuine, other than undefined anger. A woman simply seeks an equal companion in life. They wish to have help and support in the necessary caring of humanity. What they have unfortunately found, in many cases, is the need to raise yet another child. Do you want the woman in your life to be so burdened? Finding that appropriate balance in our relationships will create a sense of ease and a welcomed level of responsibility. I can guarantee that your willingness to feel will allow you to heal the perception you have of yourself and the unrealistic burden you have placed on your shoulders. It’s not hard, and it’s not that bad. Let’s get busy and grow up. The reality we see before us, is that we do in fact have the majority of positions of power and influence in the world today. We can also acknowledge the poor condition of humanity and the world at this time. If we do not appreciate what we see, we must take responsibility by understanding we are going about things the wrong way. No judgement is needed here, for we can change our minds at any time. The heart will provide us the answers we’re looking for.
A Mature Man is a Loving Man
If you take a moment and look at the above image again, what feeling or sense of things does it generate inside you? Clearly, you realize that life is an ascension toward becoming that better self. This is a goal we all have, regardless of our gender. But, at the end of your time here, what do you want to be remembered for? Who are you as a man? The definition of a man can never be found in our comparison with other men. What we believe a man is or should be, has clearly led to inappropriate behaviors of all kinds. Each of us needs to stop for a moment and decide that we no longer have anything to prove. To be a “real” man is to be a “loving” man. To have dominion over all things is not about power, money, aggression, and selfishness. It is about loving, mutual cooperation, and the betterment of all. The journey of a man is a difficult one, but with a little self-honesty, we can recognize that we do it to ourselves in our attempt to become something we can never be. I know each of you seeks peace in your life. I encourage you to feel in order to create that. If we have not found love, we have found nothing. No real wisdom is acquired, either. We are good men because we are responsible men. We are successful men when we police our own self-interest, for this will provide us an opportunity to include others in all that we create.
All my love and support, be well