In our quest to be the best version of ourselves, we must acknowledge the need to take responsibility for all parts of the self, whether it be our thoughts, feelings, or actions. Ultimately, our responsibility lies within us because this is the only place real change can begin. It is important for us to realize that we are not perfect, and we are certainly not alone in this respect. As we engage ourselves with the intent to discover areas of improvement, it is critical that we do not fall into the trap of self-judgement in our process. It would also be helpful for us to understand that we are being educated through our experience, that we exist within a great school of expanding self-awareness and understanding. If we could view this process as similar to our dealings with a child, for example, we would notice that we simply love the child and have the attitude that the child will learn through his or her experience and eventually make better choices. There is no judgement here. This lovingly appropriate attitude toward our own inner child needs to be applied throughout our lives, for if we engage in self-judgement, the possibility of initiating the necessary change becomes thwarted. Let’s take a look at how this self-judgment happens in the first place by addressing our internal makeup a bit more.
There is a part of, called the ego, whose job is to simply protect us and keep us safe. Initially this concerned physical danger only, but it unfortunately, over time, progressed to include every part of our experience. This means that every time we try something new, including the betterment of ourselves, fear is generated. So, the ego will attempt to control our experience with fear in order to keep us safe. We are stopped in our tracks. If we go back to our child analogy, we can see the need for love, patience and also discipline in order to proceed. Another factor presented by the ego is the idea that somehow, we can know, or need to know, what is going to happen prior to the experience itself. The reality is that we cannot know beforehand because having faith and trust in the process is, in and of itself, the education we seek. In the ego’s efforts to protect us we can essentially avoid being responsible for ourselves and this self-avoidance creates yet another big problem, self-projection.
When we are unwilling to look at ourselves honestly and do the necessary work, we have a tendency to project our flaws onto others. This is where our judgement and criticism of others comes in. We spend way too much of our time attempting to assess another person’s life and experience rather than our own. The outcome of this behavior is twofold. Firstly, in our judgement of others, we are actually inhibiting their ability to become a better person by reinforcing their own self-judgement. Secondly, as we spend time assessing another, we spend less time confronting ourselves. The level of discomfort we experience in our lives belongs to us, and it is our responsibility to effect change within. If we continue in the projection, we only prolong the change we seek in ourselves. Let’s remind ourselves of the pain and suffering that we all encounter in life and refrain from judgement altogether. It is time to adopt a new attitude of self-responsibility and avoid the harmful effect that the blaming of others creates. Self-improvement and the spiritual growth that follows is the goal. If we acknowledge this important goal, we put ourselves in a position to acquire new skills to help us in the process. Let’s take a look at a few things we can do every day to improve our efforts:
If you find yourself judging another person, stop and ask yourself why. Realize that the judgement is always about you. As we practice reversing the habit of projection and go within, we give ourselves the opportunity to find out what is really bothering us. This is about healing the relationship we have with ourselves. With an honest approach, we can recognize the same inappropriate behaviors and attitudes in ourselves that we see in others.
We all make many mistakes every day but fail to remember that we are still learning. The first step is to forgive ourselves, or we cannot move forward. If we don’t forgive others, they cannot move forward. Only at this point can we make the necessary adjustments. This is the “love-in-action” I have spoken of before. When we recognize that we are all involved in the same process, we can truly say, “we’re in this together”! We are now in a position to help each other heal, and the healing we experience provides new freedom previously unknown.
Guilt is really the mask of self judgement. It is a powerful feeling that haunts most of us more often than we would like to admit. If there is any emotion that destroys us faster than hatred, it is guilt. Although it can be a helpful reminder that we are out of line in some area of our lives, especially if we are emotionally immature, it really is not beneficial at all. When we are controlled by guilt, real love for ourselves and others is not possible. Guilt is alleviated through forgiveness of ourselves and making amends to others when necessary. This is true whether our harmful actions and words are intentional or not. We can also see that guilt is yet another tool exercised by the ego to keep us from honestly confronting ourselves. Guilt is a useless feeling overall unless it is a reminder that some kind of action on our part is warranted. Make amends when necessary and if you are unable to, let go and move on.
It is unfortunate that we so consistently make ourselves wrong. A statement by one of the great spiritual masters seems appropriate here. “The power of freewill resides in the fact that we can change our minds at any time”. What an awesome gift that has been given us! We have the power to change. We just need to do it. Let’s exercise the gift of changing our minds today by forgiving ourselves and others. Let’s move forward.
As we work on ourselves and achieve a certain level of self-control, even if it is a little, let’s not forget to help others do the same. We help others by not attacking when we are attacked. We do not judge when we are judged. If we are unable to be loving and helpful in our speech, we do not speak. If we consistently remind ourselves of the simple things, we will surely see positive change in ourselves and others. We change the world!
Thanks for joining me today. I know how difficult personal growth can be. Be persistent and exercise a little self-discipline every day and things will definitely improve!
All my love and support, stay safe and be well