In many cases, businesses offer free products and services to the consumer, but ultimately have a hidden agenda as well. It’s obvious we need to be aware of the “terms and conditions” before we accept these products and services. More often than not, there is a catch that will involve the need to eventually purchase something in order to continue to receive such services. We can all certainly identify with the idea that “nothing is really free”! It is clear to all of us that the motivation in business is to make money and not to give something simply out of the goodness of their heart. The important thing to recognize here is that we engage in this type of practice in our personal lives as well. If we were honest with ourselves, in many cases, we have an underlying motivation for our giving. We are essentially “Giving with a Hook”. Let’s take a closer look.
Generally speaking, I think most of us are good of heart and well-intentioned. We would all like to be of help if we can and provide something for other people to improve the condition of their lives. If this is the case, then why do we oftentimes find it so difficult to give? There are certainly many things to consider in our attempt to answer this question. For example, a person would think that giving would feel good because it’s the right thing to do. Often times we find that what we have given doesn’t feel good or didn’t produce the results we were looking for. In order for our giving to be effective and feel good, we need to remove any “terms and conditions” before we proceed. This is what giving freely actually means. It’s very challenging for all of us, for sure, and we need to remember that we’re not perfect and will most certainly make mistakes. It is critical for us to understand that the disappointment we often experience when we give to others is not due to something being wrong with them, but due to the very subtle, underlying motivations on our end. If our goal is to understand the nature of our giving, we need to understand the need to do so freely. A true giving from the heart is unconditional, after all. Let’s consider a couple of points here to assist us with this improvement.
Intent and Hidden Motivation
No matter how much we believe our intent is clean and free in our giving, there is almost always some conditional element hidden in our subconscious that is the real motivation. It’s very difficult to discover what these subtle conditions are, but we must find out in order to be truly effective in our giving. This of course takes time and incredible honesty on our part. Our goal is to feel good about what we’re doing and the actions we take. Most importantly, we want the other person to feel that our giving is genuine and can be safely accepted. If we are not clear on the reasons why we are giving in the first place, it may be better to hold off a little while before we continue. If we fail in this part, we create the possibility of having to clean up a mess in the future. Nobody wants that! The tool of discernment must always be in place in our minds and hearts before we take any action, giving or otherwise. We basically want to help and be successful in doing so.
Expectation
The biggest problem we have when we give is the expectations we put in place. Although the end game is to be able to give freely, we most of the time expect to receive something in return, whether we recognize it or not. This is the most common mistake we make with others. This is called “putting out a flag”. What this means is that we are willing to give something only if we are able to call in a favor in the future. In other words, we expect to receive something in return for our generosity. This is especially true if money is involved in what we are giving. We all know that most people find it very challenging to give of their resources. We must therefore be very cautious in our acceptance of gifts and money. The creation of conflict and potential problems with the exchange of money is almost a guarantee. As unfortunate as this is, we must be very conscious of what is involved in the giving and accepting of money and resources. If we want to understand the concept of “Giving with a Hook” we need to look no further than here. No other area of human experience has more attachments and conditions than this one! Again, proceed with caution. In some cases, it’s ok, and even essential, that we have certain conditions before we give, especially concerning money. We just need to be very clear what these conditions are to those involved. My general rule of thumb with myself is to understand that once I give something, it is gone. It’s over. If I have expectations of receiving something in the future, I hold off on the giving. We must let go of what we give, or it is not truly given, you see.
Obligation
When we are unclear about our motivations in giving, we create an unfortunate reality of obligation. Honestly, the human condition is loaded up with so much unnecessary obligation, and the unfortunate feeling of guilt, our sense of obligation creates. This is very often a major contributor to our sense of failure in many cases. We may want to, first, recognize that we are not required to give anything in order to perceive ourselves as good people. The idea that we owe people things is basically false and creates that feeling of resentment in what we are giving. We always want to come from a place of choice. This is all about the heart and the unconditional love it contains. If we feel obligated to give, we are not giving freely. If we accept the giving from another, we do so with humility and gratitude. If we’re the giver, we have no expectations. If we’re the receiver, we have no obligation to give in return. If we are willing to remove this unnecessary sense of obligation from the equation, we’ll be much more successful in our giving. I must say, however, that after we learn how to give properly, we will quite naturally be impelled to give because of our awareness of need. Giving is indeed a very practical matter.
Reminders
If we are about to give something to someone, or are about to receive something from someone, and have any feelings of apprehension, we need to stop and take a breath. If something doesn’t feel right, we need to honor that and properly assess the situation. Again, nobody wants to have to take care of something in the future. We all know how difficult it is to go into the past and make corrections. We must always be clear in our intent and motivation right at the beginning to avoid such potential problems in the future. We have every right not to give if it doesn’t feel right. This has nothing to do with selfishness on our part, but has everything to do with thoughtfulness on our part. This is the key to responsibility and indicates spiritual maturity. It’s worth mentioning again as well the need for us to allow others the opportunity to take care of themselves. We are not helping another necessarily by always giving them what they want. We must always exercise discretion, and that is ok. Our goal is to learn how to give freely and, believe it or not, we are well on our way. It will in fact be required of us in order to be more successful in our relationships. We will see improvements through our willingness to participate and be honest with ourselves as to what is involved before we give anything at all. What an opportunity!
All my love and support, stay safe and be well