We all have a desire to be the best we can be. In order to have the proper perspective, we need to understand it as an unfolding process. We can begin by accepting ourselves as we are in the present moment. We will be more successful in our pursuit if we let go of achieving some arbitrary sense of perfection as we move forward. To be perfect in every way is unrealistic because it eliminates the possibility of change. It is change that allows us to become the “more” that we seek. It’s much better to not know who we are becoming in a sense, for this brings in the necessary qualities of flexibility and adaptability that will be required for us to become what we envision. The ideal vision we have of a perfect self does not really exist you see because, if the truth be known, we’re already perfect as we are. A state of perfection exists in every moment through the realization of the power of choice. We always have the power to choose how we want to feel, what we want to think about, who we want to be, and how we want to present ourselves. Our sense of failure arises out of an attempt to be someone or something we already are. There comes a time in our lives, then, when we need to say, “it’s fine the way it is”. This in no way negates the need for us to challenge ourselves to be all that we can be. What it provides is an opportunity to accept what is and be ok with it. How we feel about ourselves plays an essential role in our willingness to proceed. Perfectionism becomes a disability when we do not allow an acceptance of ourselves in the present moment. For us to be successful in life, we must remove the idea of perfection from our experience entirely. This may be the best gift we can give ourselves. Let’s take a look.
The unfortunate result of perfectionism is neurotic behavior
When we choose to remain unaware of our false pursuit of perfection, we become a victim of it. What follows is the development of all kinds of neurotic behavior in the form of addiction and other behavioral problems. One of the most common of these many of you may be aware of is “obsessive-compulsive disorder”. We all suffer from this to some degree, it just manifests a little differently for each of us. Rather than provide a clinical description here, let me just say this. We have a tendency toward repetitive behaviors and actions that are unnecessary and ultimately self-destructive. I, myself, have suffered from this my entire life. If left unchecked, it can be debilitating. The good news is that all such destructive patterns of behavior can be overcome with a little honesty and a lot of hard work. We have unfortunately never been taught how to accept ourselves as we are. It is critical, therefore, that we learn to trust and love ourselves. Perfection can be found in imperfection. This is how we heal. The following are a couple of things I have found helpful in my experience. In order to overcome, we must be willing to try things differently, or we’ll never know a better life. I encourage you to do the same.
Emphasizing the “bigger picture” rather than the details
Whatever it is we’re trying to create, we need to have a sense of the overall picture. If we pay too much attention to the details, we are easily overwhelmed. Even a vague sense of what we want or where we’re headed is enough. The hardest part is getting started. It’s important to recognize that if we knew what change would feel like beforehand, we probably wouldn’t even try! Knowing how to do something prior to our actual experience is not possible. We know by doing. The perfection we seek is not found in the details or even in the end result. It is found in our willingness to participate in our own experiences. This is the process of living. The reality is that once we figure something out, there’s more to come! It’s ok. All we have to do is try.
Learning how to be comfortable with a “B”, not an “A”
The best thing we can do for ourselves is to not be the very best. If getting an “A” in our life and work costs us everything else, is it worth it? What I have realized inside myself is that getting a “B” or even a “C” in life is enough. I’m good enough. The sacrifice of that “A” has brought me peace of mind and a real sense of ease in all that I do. Give yourself a break, too. To all of you overachievers out there, I say this. All of your accomplishments will never fill the void that exists inside you. The pursuit of everything imaginable out there will never be enough. It is insatiable. Often, this is merely an avoidance of our own self and what exists there. You can keep trying, but you cannot escape the relationship you have with yourself forever. Don’t wait too long. You may find that you actually like yourself. You will probably also find some inner work is in order. It’s worth your time and consideration. All things on the outside are temporary indeed. The development of love, acceptance, and respect for yourself is something you can take with you. That’s worth pursuing.
The importance of being well-rounded
There is an ongoing expectation in society to excel at something in life. This is important for some people, but not all. If you are one of the people that is not incredibly successful in life, don’t worry. You’re certainly not alone, nor are you doing something wrong. Unfortunately, society still gauges success in terms of material success. A person can have a fancy career, lots of money, and lots of things and be absolutely miserable. Personally, I have tried to be that too, but kept hitting a dead end. As I’ve gotten a little older, I have realized that is not who I am and not what I want. Do you find yourself feeling or experiencing the same thing? What I have essentially found is the importance of value in all that I do. We find a sense of purpose when we are able to provide something to improve the life conditions of those around us and the world we live in. This is where we all need to excel. This can happen through our job, but not necessarily. For some people, it’s important to dedicate one’s entire life to their job or some other mission in order to make their contribution to the greater whole. For most of us, however, we find the need to be “pretty good” at a few things, not exceptional at just one. If you choose to excel at one thing, the other parts of your life will remain unattended. There is of course no right or wrong here. Each person must decide which avenue is best for them. It’s important to realize, however, that for most, both avenues at the same time are not possible. All of us need to realize the value of being well-rounded as an individual. The more experience we have in all areas of life will better ensure our survival. This allows us to be adaptable and always have what we need. To be perfect in any area means something else will be sacrificed. This is an undesirable outcome for most of us, most of the time. It’s ok to just be ok in whatever we do. We are valuable, successful, and perfect with this understanding.
Finding a place within
Before we finish up today, let’s consider the level of anxiety and even depression we are experiencing due to our pursuit of perfection. In all honesty, it’s not sustainable. We must try a different way. To do everything, and be perfect at it, is making us all sick. Maybe even more importantly, we have made ourselves unavailable to others. Is it worth it? I think not. It’s time to stop and reassess. With all that is going on, it’s critical we provide ourselves some time every day to get quiet and relax. I strongly recommend some form of meditation. Others may find this alone time in some form of exercise. Whatever you choose, the least amount of activity is best, and doing it alone is also best. We cannot afford to not make the time. We find peace within. Once this becomes established, the outside world will indeed look a whole lot better. We are not obligated to be anything to ourselves or anybody else. Perfect!
All my love and support, stay safe and be well