I have never met anyone who enjoys dealing with fear. It is the most uncomfortable part of being human. The reality is that if we want to feel better and do better, we’re going to have to do some work. From a higher perspective, fear is not real, it is merely an illusion. This truth is not very helpful or practical, however, because it feels real and that’s what we have to work on. Every single person has many fears living inside them. There are no exceptions. No matter how confident and courageous another person may appear, they are dealing with the same things as the rest of us. This simple awareness can help us be a little more patient and compassionate in our dealings with others. If the truth is known, not one of us wants to be controlled by anything. We want to have control over ourselves. We want to decide how we want to feel and what kinds of experiences we want to have in life. We want to be free. We can begin this healing by understanding that when we don’t feel good or things aren’t going well for us, there is an element of fear that is limiting our experience. In other words, fear is dictating our perception of reality. We have lost control of our vessel, you see. We are no longer in charge. The only way to eliminate these fears is to take a look at them. Let’s begin by placing fear in the context of time, or past, present, and future, and see how it affects our experience.
The Past
Believe it or not, most of us are living our lives in the past. It may seem like we’re in current time, but the reality is that the choices and decisions we make today are based on past experiences. More specifically, they are based on judgments and misunderstandings about those past experiences. The implication here is that we believe we are having new experiences, but we are simply recreating the past. Why is this the case, and why is it important? It is our judgment and misunderstanding of our past experience that creates fear. Simply put, we would rather not have that experience again. This is what needs to be released or let go of. The fear is just a reminder that we misunderstood the past experience and what it really meant, you see. We are being asked to go back in and have a final look, so we can be free of it once and for all. Some of our past experiences are traumatic and therefore have a dramatic impact on our lives. These are the most difficult and most important ones to address. Depending on the severity of the trauma, we may have to revisit them more than once. It’s OK, don’t be afraid. Keep in mind, the review of these events is never as bad as the original experience. In some cases, we may need to seek professional help, so don’t be afraid to reach out. The other thing to keep in mind when working with fear is that we sometimes don’t even know what we’re afraid of or cannot remember those past experiences. These are the most powerful ones, for they exist in the subconscious and keep us from living a comfortable and successful life. We owe it to ourselves to do the necessary work and be free. Enormous courage is just waiting for you when you’re ready. One baby step at a time, one layer to the next. That’s all we can do, but we do have to begin.
The Future
Honestly, we spend a lot of time anticipating the future. If you really think about it, how ridiculous is that!? The future has not arrived yet, folks. We have to deal with what’s in front of us. We will create a better future for ourselves by taking care of today. If we take proper care of the past, we open up to this better future. This is something we can do right now. We fear the future because our past remains unattended. We fear taking risks in life and trying new things because we believe it will be just like before. Stop, that is not reality. We have the ability to create anew in every moment. We must give ourselves the opportunity to see if things can be different, or we are living in the past. We will most definitely fail many times before we get it right. What else are we going to do, stay stuck? Try again. At some point, we do have to decide the past is over. We cannot be free of it however until we honestly do the work and deal with it. When building a better future, we also have to be realistic. An active imagination is an essential part of the creative process, but it has boundaries. We are learning a proper balance between having some limitations and not being controlled by those same limitations. Think about that!
The Present
We’re going to do a couple of exercises here. Stand up and stretch your arms out away from your sides. Do a quick visualization and have your left arm represent your past and your right arm represent your future. Now, you’ll notice a couple of things here. If you stretch one arm and then the other, you need to keep your balance, right? If you try to stretch both arms at the same time, you feel like you might pull yourself apart, the center of your body becomes stressed. OK, sit down now and take a deep breath. What you have symbolized to yourself in a physical way is what the past and future do to you. You cannot continue to go back and forth forever, or you’ll pull yourself apart. At the very least, you may lose your balance and fall over. The past is over, and the future is not here yet. The only reliable time is the present moment. This is our power. Fear takes us out of the present moment, and we lose this power. No matter how much our ego or mind tries to convince us that the past and future are real, they are not. Fear is not real unless we say it is. Now, we all encounter those times when fear comes in and takes over. Before we know it, we are spinning out of control and, quite literally, feel like we’re going to die. This brings us to the second exercise. It’s a simple one. If you’re standing up, go over to a wall and touch it, physically open your hand and touch the wall. Now do both hands at the same time. While you are touching the wall, feel the floor beneath your feet. Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths. Tell yourself that you’re OK. “I am here, and I am real”. “Fear cannot hurt me”. Guess what? You have just grounded yourself in the present moment. Every time you become filled with self-doubt, or you’re just not feeling very good about yourself, take a deep breath and touch the wall. Now you have the power of the present moment and can take a step forward. This is all we have. We must take charge of ourselves in the moment. All our choices, decisions, and actions we take must come from here.
Our fears are the biggest challenge we face. Every time we take a stab at it, we take one step closer to whom we really are. Healing our past is a long and arduous process, but if we don’t do the work, fear will forever control us. Ultimately, as we address and take care of the little fears, we are preparing ourselves to confront the one that underlies them all. This is the fear that we are all alone and separate from our source. This fear, unrecognized by many of us, is the cause of our suffering. We believe we are unloved. This is the cause of our animosity toward our fellow human beings and our unwillingness to share. Fear is only temporary, you see, but it must be dealt with. The unfortunate reality of humanity today is that we are creating a future based on fear. Love and fear cannot exist in the same moment. The more work we can do at an individual level to overcome our fears, the more likely we’ll create the future we all want and need. So, look fear squarely in the face and say no. If that doesn’t work, punch it in the face and move forward. One day we will emerge from the cave of darkness into the light of day. It is our destiny.
“We have nothing to fear but fear itself”
All my love and support, stay safe and be well