One of the most powerful experiences we will have in life is that of rejection. My friends, it is also one of the most painful. I think we can all recognize what we want most, to be accepted, to feel loved. For a long time in our life journey, we do in fact try to accomplish this through others. Rather, we attempt to define ourselves from the outside in. Indeed, through our relationships, our work, and the world in general, we are simply trying to figure out who we are. But, if we expect to find it on the outside, we give our responsibility to others, and let them decide for us. This is when we open ourselves up to that unavoidable experience of being denied what we long for, our very own sense of identity. In this way, rejection will naturally follow, for we are looking in the wrong place.
The fact that we wish to discover who we are and risk it all, knowing that we may not be accepted, not understood, or even loved, provides for us a hidden gift. It is a pathway to the heart we hope to find. This journey involves much pain and discomfort, for again, we misunderstand the intended direction of this path. We believe this path goes outward to the world and others, and for a long time, we do everything within our power to make it work in this way. As painful as rejection is, we have an opportunity to view it as the gift, for it reminds us of our need to change course, to reverse our direction. Yes, the love and purpose we seek must be found within. Most of us realize, only we can know ourselves, only we can define who we are and what real love actually is. Having said this, we continue to seek it from the outside and expose ourselves to all kinds of unnecessary pain and suffering. It’s almost like we would rather feel bad all the time, rather than go within and do the work we must do. You see, the rejection we experience from others is merely a self-avoidance, for it is a rejection of ourselves.
Deep inside our hearts, we all want to have the ability to love and accept others as well, to have a genuine experience within all our relationships. But, if self-love, self-acceptance, and a clearly defined purpose are lacking, our life experience, our relationship with others will be artificial and devoid of meaning. Unfortunately, if we give the responsibility of defining ourselves to others, we place an unnecessary burden on them. You see, we forget that each other person is attempting to find themselves too, and therefore have no capacity, ability, or power to give us what we need. If we continue pursuing our lives in this way, we become needy, thereby creating a subsequent and necessary rejection. Eventually, we will create a fear, a darkness, an isolation, that is difficult to overcome.
Brothers and sisters, it is time to end this vicious cycle of seeking ourselves through others, of finding ourselves through rejection. I must say, it is merely another way for us to be addicted to feeling bad. Just because we believe this is all we can know and be, doesn’t mean it is intended. To feel good, to experience wholeness and purpose, is what is intended. We can do this, it can be ours. The pathway to the heart is the real risk we must take, and it indicates a need to change course, to reverse our direction from the outside to the inside. We fear what we might see, but there is nothing we will find that we cannot accept, deal with, and ultimately let go of. What we find next is the wonderful and beautiful self that has always been there. This is a guarantee for all of us, with our willingness. Once we belong with ourselves, once we belong to the inner life, then there is no place or other person on the outside where we do not also belong. We become connected and free. Until this inner relationship becomes fully developed, for it will take some time, we must learn how to cope with some rejection from the outside temporarily. We need to remind ourselves, then, if we’re not being accepted by some person we feel we desperately need, or we are unsuccessful in becoming part of a group we would like to be a part of, then maybe that person or group is not for us. Go back within and discover a new direction.
Real love, and a sense of purpose, will be found with a consistent effort and dedication. This can only happen from the inside out. We can feel good about ourselves, others, and the world we’re living in. God, the universe, has every hope we will see this to be the only reality that is. For those of you still having problems dealing with rejection, or you’re finding it difficult to establish an inner sense of self, I have two exercises you can try that will indeed help you achieve:
Practice being alone
If you’re uncomfortable being by yourself, or being with just yourself, you will be perpetually drawn to the outside world, looking for acknowledgment. If you’re not feeling well, only you have the answer. Sit down and be quiet for a few moments every day. It’s scary at first, but it will eventually be welcomed. A whole big world exists within you. It is here where everything you hope to find can be found. It is a self-reliance that must be developed in order for everything else in life to work properly. To know yourself and your life, you must be with yourself first.
Learn how to say no
If you cannot provide to others what they’re asking for, then you must tell them no. Believe it or not, my friends, if you don’t like being rejected, the feeling of rejecting others is much worse. You see my point here. We need to learn how to say no when we need to. It’s good for us, and it’s good for others. Each of us needs to go within, and we can help one another achieve it by being honest. Ultimately, my friends, we must learn how to tell ourselves no. If we’re headed in the wrong direction, if we seek an answer on the outside, no is what we must say.
The gift of rejection is a reminder to go within
The outer world will naturally and necessarily follow
Freedom from the pain of rejection, will also necessarily follow
All my love and support, be well