A wallflower, an outcast, the one who sits on the sidelines. Are you one of these? My friend, I hear you, I see you, I feel you. In my earlier years, I was different in every conceivable way, at least it seemed like that to me. You can clearly get a sense of this by reading the words I put on these pages. Life is indeed difficult and painful for the one who doesn’t belong. You know, I know, we all know, our deepest desire is to be loved and accepted. All our efforts are geared toward this end, and we’ll do almost anything to achieve it. My dearest companion, as desperate as you may feel, and all the hopelessness that comes along with it, will indeed transform into what you’re looking for. I assure you, this will happen, but not in the way you’re going about it right now. So, for just a moment today, pull yourself up out of those feelings of despair, and we’ll take a look at what’s really going on. Yes, we’ll get to a place of acceptance and understanding together.
To not be accepted, to not feel as though you belong, brings to you a great opportunity to simply observe. This may sound a little strange, but this most necessary skill will help you recover from that overwhelming feeling of separation. To start this process, I’m going to tell you something you don’t want to hear, but desperately need to hear. Although you wish to acquire a sense of love, it cannot be found through a feeling coming from the outside, from some other person, or group of persons. To achieve a sense of love, you must gain an understanding of love. This is a mental process, not an emotional one. So, it’s time to come up out of the dark cave you believe is real, and gain some clarity in your thinking. It is a change in your thinking that will heal you, not a desperate attempt to make your feelings real and valid. The first thing you need to realize, is that wallowing in your feelings is simply a bad habit. Your goal now is to find a place within your mind you can work from. The mind is the place of solution and change. It is the place of creation, a creation of a reality you wish to be so. My friend, I will tell you, this is possible, for if I can do it, you can do it. I will also say, the reality you currently exist in may feel very real to you, but it has no factual basis in the reality that actually exists. Only you can make the decision, only you can change your mind. It can be done, I know this. Let’s go on a journey together, then. Let’s become the mental observer. From this new place, you will begin to understand that you have the control, not your feelings. You are the thinker now. As a thinker, you create the feelings you wish to have. This is a new exercise in which you will gain freedom from the debilitating depression, anxiety, hopelessness, and darkness you unfortunately find yourself in. My dearest soul, your mind will become a place of refuge. In your mind, you will bring the light in, and in this light, you will be shown the love that you are.
So, you see a group of people you want to belong to, you want to be involved, but they have rejected you. Remember, you are the observer now. Get clear and honest in your thinking, and realize that your feeling of rejection is about you, not them. The very reason you have been rejected is they are not like you, not the other way around. This warrants your most careful consideration. If you allow your need to belong overtake you, you will sacrifice the self that you are and become the self that they are. My friend, this can be done, and you will indeed feel relieved at first, but this unnecessary sacrifice you make in order to belong will lead you back to the dark cave of isolation. Why? Well, the simple truth is, we can only be who we are. It is this person you must discover, you. I know, you want to be like everyone else so that you don’t feel lonely. As the observer, as the honest observer, what you will recognize is that all these other people feel the same. I will give you a little hint. The average person has no self-awareness or self-understanding. They spend their entire life pretending to be somebody they are not, just to be liked, to belong. The difference between you and them is that you can see this. You are beginning to understand that something is missing, something is wrong. My friend, if they do not know who they are, what can they possibly offer you, what do they have to give? You are different, for you are on a journey of discovering your real self. They are not ready, and this is why they turn you away. As the observer, you use this to your advantage and get busy with this journey. No need to observe the outside anymore, observe what is happening within. The desperate need to belong, is you needing to belong with you. Once you find this true self, you will be able to offer it to these others, and then, you will belong there also. What you really seek is a great love. This love cannot be found outside of you in these others, for they have yet to find a love for themselves. You must find the love first. Now, you see, it is ok to be alone, for in this aloneness, is where the love will be found. As far as belonging goes, you already belong, or you would not be here. It’s just a matter of time until you realize the real self that you are is what you will give to the world. The world, and all the people in the world, have nothing to give you until this happens. The dark cave in which you exist today is simply a place to put light. It is an empty place to fill with love. From your mind to your heart. From your heart to the world. This is the correct pathway. This is the new orientation you are creating for yourself. It only gets better from here!
My friends, it’s ok to be a wallflower. It’s ok to be an outsider. It’s ok to feel isolated. What awaits you is everything you hope for and more. No matter how you’re feeling today, it will pass. But, you must decide to move on. Come out of the cave, for it is not real. Unfortunately, depression, anxiety, isolation is all too common in the world. If you suffer, I assure you, there is a way out. There are traditional methods and non-traditional methods. The journey you’re on is important. It has great meaning and purpose, and you will arrive at the place you would like to be. Ask for what you need, and it shall be there for you. As much as I would like to be there with you, and help you complete the painful part, I cannot, for I have already travelled. What I offer you is these few words today. The purpose of my work is to help you find your soul, and you will find this soul, your real self, sooner than you think. My dear friend, I am proof! The path provided here at Indigo Mountain is the path toward light and love. Much of what you find here will not be understood by you today, but it will be tomorrow. Explore and be the observer. I have every promise that you will succeed. Great freedom can be yours when you allow it. If you’re having a difficult go of things, know that you are not alone. Open your heart and you will see. Open your mind and you will know. If you are using drugs and alcohol to get through, please recognize this only makes your feelings of desperation worse. It makes the dark cave grow even larger. You are familiar with the phrase “rock bottom”. Interesting phrase. Interesting, because there is only one place to go from there, and that is up. Now, one doesn’t need to have a problem with drugs or alcohol to arrive at the black hole. Each of us has either been there already, are there now, or have yet to arrive. Different ways to get there, but the same experience for all. With this understanding, we can give each other a break, can’t we? Can we offer ourselves the very same break? Don’t be afraid of who you are, like I was, there is a better way.
I have been sober for seven years now, and I truly can hardly believe the world and reality that was waiting for me all along. It is a beautiful world, indeed, a wonderful humanity. I accept myself, I can be who I am. Because of this acceptance, I am able to do the work I am meant to do, and give all that I have to you today. I am a soul of love and wisdom. This, I share with you. Spirituality is not a religion, nor is it a way of life. It is an experience of myself as something more than I was before. I don’t see all, but I see enough. With all my heart, I want the same for you. We are brothers and sisters, and today, we have the opportunity to be all that is. I am with you. It is our journey together.
You are smart
You are loving
Be truly smart, and love yourself today
The soul, that is you, awaits
All my love and support, be well